THE BLAME GAME: THE EFFECTS OF BLAME TO ITS VICTIMS

I was reading my journal the other day and was shocked at how often I used blame as a way to explain the results I was getting. If their had been an Olymipic medal for blamatitis then I sure would be in the running.

Last year I said to myself "That enough" and went out to find a way to change...
thats another story.

Some of the massive break throughs Ive had come from understaning how blame can affect you.

Can YOU see yourself here to.......

How easy it is to just point a finger at someone else and then walk away.

The blame game is a lose-lose situation. You never really win and the only one who loses the most is the one who is putting the blame on everybody else but himself.

When you point the finger at someone, they may harbor anger towards you. In some instances, this anger builds up and becomes a desire for revenge. Have you noticed how blame deflates yourself-esteem. However, who is the real victim here.

You probably find it hard to truly move on because you cant get your eyes of the rear vision mirror (dwell in the past), focuing on being a victim instead of being a survivor. Eaten up by self-pity instead of having the drive to find solutions and move forward to better their lives.

When you blame others your actions you can suffers mentally, emotionally, socially and even physically. “I am a victim” mentality leads to an assumption that other people cause unhappiness and prevent you from building good relationships.

Do you find it very difficult to admit his mistake and find fault in somebody else instead. Forgiving a mistake, whether it is your mistake or not, is a sign of weakness. The negative emotions you feel are so great that stress starts to take over. Stress can causes you to suffer not just emotionally, but physically because stress leads to a list of illnesses such as skin disorders, cancer, heart diseases, digestive problems, and more.

What really helped me was once I started taking accountability.

You see responsibility can be shared, but you are the only person accountable to your happiness. Only you can make that happen. Your past experience may have been responsible on how you look at the world now. Everything that happens after that moment is your accountability.

Acknowledge that you make mistakes and that is perfectly normal. When you open your eyes to this simple fact, it makes forgiving others and yourself much easier. You become free just by realizing that you do have some shortcomings. When you ask for help, you’d be surprised that people would be more than happy to do so.

Although you cannot control how things will turn out, you have every power to control how you would react to unexpected circumstances. You do have control over your choice of words. You do have the choice to find the positive thing in the most seemingly impossible situation, or the choice to be sucked in by negative reactions.

Do not let your future be controlled by your past. If you are seeking a different future SOMETHING HAS TO CHANGE.

Sometimes change requires assistance.

I hope these insights can help you the way they have helped me

Do you have Doubts

One of our biggest causes in not progressing is due to the doubts that surface while we are trying to achieve that goal or task. So I ask you, why doubts creep in to our minds and start chiseling away as we try to accomplish these new goals and tasks. Mostly it occurs when you miss a deadline, have a little setback, the task is a little difficult and you don’t know where to start, or you lack the discipline to focus long enough to produce a result.

Doubt comes from not believing you are able to do something. This is completely different from simply not knowing how to do something. You need to look at the problem from a position of uncertainty. By simply not knowing something allows you to believe that it may be possible.You need to look at each setback from a perspective of uncertainty - “Gee that did not work what I can try now”, instead of doubt “I just knew it wouldn’t work, it’s just so hard"

Can you see the difference, once you shift from doubt to uncertainty what you are telling yourself is "I really do not know if it could or could not happen" and you are now in a position to believe it is actually possible.

How will shifting from doubt to uncertainty assist you? Well firstly it will open you up to use the right side of your brain, you know the creative side. With doubt as you already know the answer ("I knew that wouldn’t work") you close off any possibility in finding a solution. With the creative side you are telling yourself a question ("How can I make it work") and the right brain stands to attention instantly and goes straight to work in helping you create a solution. The real benefit comes when you understand that once you make the shift from doubt to uncertainty and ask that first question, that you ask another question and then another, and so on. Eventually insight will be on that next train.

Just remember that when we stop wanting the things we are trying to attain, the doubt clouds begin to circle above us. That zeal, passion and focus we had, can be cut of like someone had pulled a curtain over your eyes. Now you can not see what it was that you were striving for. The next time you face a challenging situation you can prevent doubt by acknowledging that you are unsure and are willing to explore all possibilities.

Remember whatever the problem is, if you express what you actually want you will connect with the inner beliefs you have. You are able to focus on what you want rather than what you don’t (doubt, to hard, impossible ECT…..)

www.ravenlifestyle.com

A Choice Between Anger and Freedom

“The world is one percent what life hands you, and ninety-nine percent how you react to it.”

A passage like this, no matter how cliché-sounding, helps you get through life.

Often times, when our expectations and needs are not met, we resolve to anger and frustration. We don’t realize that nursing anger hurts not only our loved ones and ourselves.

Ninety-nine percent is how we react to what life hands us. Improving the way you handle anger is really a matter of changing the way you see things or react to situations. A simple park bench may just be something that you sit on when you’re tired. For lovers, it’s where love found them. For the homeless, a rusty, old bench is their palace.

Anger can be a positive thing, if we choose to look at it that way. Often times, anger signals you that something must change. To see that, you must acknowledge how you are feeling. Once you accept your emotions, then you can start digging up the reasons why you’re angry and then commit to solve it. If it’s lack of sleep, maybe it’s just a matter of time management. Financial stress can be fixed with proper handling of income or by grabbing opportunities. If the cause is your partner, a fair and effective communication is your solution.

These various approaches in handling anger have been proven to remedy such negative emotions.

Physical activities, whether light or extensive, help our body produce “happy chemicals”. Leisure endeavors like reading books or magazines, watching movies, or simply enjoying an afternoon in a coffee shop divert our attention away from negative things. These also help our body and mind relax and think more clearly.

Laughter is, indeed, a medicine. Learning to laugh off embarrassments or unexpected circumstances prevents you from being clouded by anger. Taking things personally only drains you of your morale. What other people think is simply a reflection of their realm, not of you. Laughing also helps you become more forgiving of the shortcomings of other people and of your own lapses. Contrary to the popular belief that it is a sign of weakness, forgiving someone actually sets you free – free of unnecessary sufferings such as anger.

A healthy diet helps you feel good in all aspects – physically, mentally, and emotionally. If you are healthy, you get better at managing time and making decisions; therefore relieving you of stress that may cause anger. Nutritional supplements taken on a regular basis boosts your immune system so you become healthier and free from negative emotions. If you have a healthy body and mind, then you are able to effectively and respectfully get your thoughts and feelings across.

Think before you speak. Communicating when you’re angry only causes hurt in relationships. Take time to breathe deeply or to take a walk before you try to clearly state your feelings.

To be free of anger, frustrations, disappointments, you have to choose to be happy. Remember that careless reactions only bury us deeper in these unwanted and addictive emotions. Focus on the solution, not the problem. Do what you can to make things better.

A simple law of attraction plays an important role in your life. Visualizing that a colleague will again make fun of you, or a partner always neglects your needs, only attracts more negative things in your life. Choose to visualize better and happier things. Think about spending a great afternoon with your loved ones, or your boss acknowledging and appreciating your performance. Choose to attract what you want, not what you’re dreading. Choose to be free, not a prisoner of anger.

The Problem with Attachment

Do you have a problem with attachment. You know when you love something so much the thought of losing it makes your heart skip a beat. Now this could be anything from your husband or wife to your new porche or watching your favourite TV program. It becomes a problem when it starts to impact on your life.

You become attached due to the love, happiness, or excitement you receive. When you lose that love and happiness you disconnect from yourself. The loss you might feel (or are feeling) is not necessarily the person or thing that causes these emotions. Usually its what that person or thing gives you (Love, happiness, excitement). All of these can be found elsewhere

How is it a problem. Well just ask yourself how you could feel when you were to lose (or if you have already lost) the thing that you are attached to. Are you feeling sad, frustration, anger, loneliness, anxiety, or even depression.

Are these feelings bad? It depends on what you do with them. If you just act out on these emotions then of course it can put you on a downward spiral. What typically occurs next is that by putting all our focus into these negative emotions without understanding them, we detach from the future and the potential to experience the next event that awaits us.

Now on the other hand if you were to feel these emotions (ie process and internalise them) then it will assist you in moving forward and letting go of the attachment. Now you are able to re-enter the stream of life and are in a position to see whats next.

By letting go it does not mean you forget and that you do not care. It does allow you to recall the feelings you had before you lost that thing or person (happy, pleasure, excitement, love) without the negative feelings. Now you are free to enjoy the positive feelings and are able to move on, rather than the negative feelings and be on that downward spiral.

www.ravenlifestyle.com

Anger Continued

The problem with "Dont get mad get even" is that when we get mad you are actually giving away your power to the person who has made you angry. Once you give away your power to another, what you are actually doing is shifting your focus from what made you mad to who made you mad.
Now that you are "Angry at this person", and lets say you do decide to get even. What will you have achieve by doing so (Yes you may have a little inner pleasure and you probably would not be human if you didn't). At this point you now are completely consumed on the person that made you angry and all you are thinking about is "getting even".
So what is happening with what mad you mad in the first place (Bad deal, someone stole your car, or your husband was home 10 mins late etc) . If you said nothing you are correct, as this is what getting even does. It shifts your focus away from finding or resolving a solution.
Yes be mad but dont give in to revenge or getting even. Your energy is wasted when you act in this way and prevents you from making your dreams come true.
For more information on anger management go to

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Are you having problems getting what you want out of life. Well I know there are many reason for for us not getting what we want. Anger is definitely one reason that prevents us getting what we want.
I had always believed that saying "Dont get angry get even" was the way to deal with anger.